do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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