how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
