there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
