Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
