The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
