ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize