I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
