how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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