every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
