As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
