now i know why i became what i already was.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
