Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
