i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
