omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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