Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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