I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
