Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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