No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
