Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
