Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
