i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I want a musical about memes.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
