best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize