i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
