The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
