Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize