2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
