Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was born a porn star she said
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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