im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
