Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it glows. i had to have it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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