And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
