why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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