I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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