I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
