woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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