What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
