I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
