this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
