Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
