She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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