dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize