just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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