I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
