your parents love me but you hate me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
