I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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