I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
