Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
