ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
