i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
