Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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