I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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