He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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