Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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