ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have already put on my inside pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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