yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
