I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
