Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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