What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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