He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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