when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
