Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
