It's Friday. Sex?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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