His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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