fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
