he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
