would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
