No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
