so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
