i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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