She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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