Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
only if we run a train.
done.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
