I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
