i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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