you win again, gameday.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
