dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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