I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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