My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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