The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
