as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
