do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
