Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
