I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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