I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
