Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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