It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
